awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
