Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
