To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Randomize
