what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Randomize
