Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
