Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
