I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
