haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
