i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
