I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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