too bad you live with your parents still
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
