1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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