He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
