just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
