it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
