No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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