haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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