the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
this hospital has no fireball
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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