i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
