remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
