If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize