Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize