can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize