Grow some girl-balls and come out already
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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