In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
