I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
