u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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