I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
