I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
