I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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