Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
