you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
