The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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