I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
