Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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