i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
The feeling are messing with the penis
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I need a beard to bite.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
