Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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