how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
