I don't usually arrange sex via text message
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
