I molested 6 butterflies tonight
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
