Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
