6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
