I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
