he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
