my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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