if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
