At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
