She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
