She announced her abortion via fbk
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
