fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
