he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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