the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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