I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
