i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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