No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
