I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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