If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
