Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
