I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize