I wish I only lived at night.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
