just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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