They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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