So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize