Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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